After pondering this for a while, I’ve decided unexpected change is all too similar to a relationship breakup. According to Psychology today, it takes 7 steps to grieve a breakup, and I’d say that’s accurate for this situation, too.
So what’s going on?
In case you missed it on social media, I announced we’re moving. It’s slightly unexpected. We’ve had our headaches in our home (which I’ll spare you the watery details), but it was traumatic. Frankly, it felt like being cheated on because it happened twice. At any rate, we (my husband & I) had a moment where we were like, ‘You know what, the market looks good. Maybe we should just sell and make money. We can figure out where to go, and it’ll be like a fun adventure.” So we did. And it sold in 24 hours. And since then, this has been my life:
1. Desperate for answers
Why did we have two water issues here that made us mental? This was supposed to be my forever (or at least 10 year) home. Why am I so ‘OK’ with flipping my life upside down? I swear if I had a nickel for every time I heard, “Man, it sure is hard to keep up with you two.” I’d have quite a bit of money!
When we first decided to move, I was really down on myself. Almost like, how could I let this happen? I’m an organized, strategic person with a plan. [Can you tell I’m Type-A?] I was constantly searching for answers as to why my life never seems to be ‘normal.’ ‘Why am I unable to settle?’ was the biggest one for me because I’m essentially starting the reverse commute in marriage…
- Standard process: Get married, buy a home, nest, have a baby
- Jen’s process: Buy a home, get married, start a business, sell home, not sure let’s just see
Why? Why can’t I just be like the others? Do we have to do this?
So for a hot second – I mean literally a day – I thought, ‘maybe we should just stay.’ Sure, we’ve talked about all the new doors that could unlock for us as a couple / me as an entrepreneur if we move, stash our profit in savings and wait for the right investment, but what if we just make this situation work. I was denying what I could feel in my gut, which was we have to go. You know when you get those signs from the Universe? I received a few big signs that were hard to ignore. However, I will say it’s funny how one life change can really disrupt your self confidence in who you are and what your path is… It shakes you up and fear can settle in, which is why I bargained for a moment.
I’m the queen of making things work. If there’s a will, there’s a way are certainly words that I lived by. Bargaining is all about finding a way to make it work. While I was really excited about the avenues my husband & I discussed we could go down from selling the house, I was scared because it means a lot of change would be on the horizon, and change is hard. So I spent another day or two trying to figure out a way to make our current situation work, and I came to my senses.
So in full transparency, I skipped this step. I nearly relapsed and was ready to pull the house off the market / back out of the deal. We started talking about packing and discussing what won’t fit, what we’d have to sell or store, and I was super overwhelmed. I didn’t think I could go through with it, and then I reminded myself how it was the right move for our little family.
I’ll admit it – I got pissed. Why did we even buy this place [as if I should have somehow known we’d have two water related issues by viewing a crystal ball]. I felt stupid that I had just re-decorated our home for a photo shoot and then we literally put it on the market 3 weeks later [on the bright side it was totally staged!].
6. Initial Acceptance
Initial acceptance is all about mentally accepting what’s happening but emotionally struggling. I was ‘on the bus’ as I like to call it, and fully on board with the move. Still slightly in shock, but fully accepting that we were moving. The house did sell in three days, and I would be changing neighborhoods. It very much felt like I was surrendering. This was something I had to do vs. wanted to do. For those of you who really know me, you know I don’t like being told to do anything so this was a really hard stage for me.
7. Redirected Hope
I love that stage 7 is redirected hope (vs. acceptance) because it’s not necessarily being ‘happy’ about the decision – it’s about channeling your energy into where you can find growth, being OK with it and open to change. I’m so grateful to have reached this stage because I feel so much happier, comfortable and ready.
This change particularly caught me by surprise because it disrupted the biggest life plan I had ever set. However, by moving into this home, I learned:
- I have to be an entrepreneur. It’s my life’s passion.
- I love design, decorating and setting up rooms
- I’m nimble, and we (my husband & I) can make things happen SO quickly
- I’m stronger than I think I am
Although they weren’t fun in the moment, the struggles we’ve had in this home have fueled new business ideas for me that I plan to bring to life in 2018. It’s a little scary, but more than that, it’s unbelievably thrilling because I can feel that it’s going to happen. This move is one step in the right direction as it creates the space we need to allow more room for growth.
I’ll be blogging my journey from ‘corporate gal with a side hustle’ to ‘full-time entrepreneur,’ and would love for you to follow along. Join our newsletter [at the bottom of the page] to get the latest, and please share your thoughts below! I’d love to hear from you!
Affectionately known to her friends as Millennial Martha for her love of DIY and decorating, Jen can’t help but pour her heart + soul into everything she touches. She’s loved to entertain since acquiring a table and chairs, and giving gifts is one of her favorite hobbies. Jen is the creator of Girl Meets Party. Her dream is to share her passions with the world in hopes to inspire others by making the seemingly unattainable attainable.